At this precise moment, I felt a new stab in the foot and my question finished with a grimace which could hardly have escaped him. In one bound, he was in front of me.
“Let me see this foot.”
“How do you know it’s my foot which hurts?”
“Because it’s me who injured you,” he replied, embarrassed.
I sat down on the bed and allowed him to examine my wounds. How and why had he hurt me? Ah the memories began to return to me… The Club, the car, then the blackout.
“A little infected, but nothing nasty. It has to be down to your medical history. Don’t worry, we are going to take care of it as quickly as possible.”
Directly, he pulled the red tassel. A few moments later someone knocked at the door.
“Come in, Hector!”
Standing in front of the door, Hector waited for his orders. This man frightened me, he was glacial; no smile, no emotion came from him.
“Go and look for something to disinfect Lilly’s foot. You will find what’s necessary in my case which is in the chest of drawers in my office. The blue case!” He ordered, without even turning his head.
Hector had already left.
Something had happened and I had absolutely no memory of it, but Darren knew… He knew everything. Now I too needed to know. I repeated my question.
“Can you tell me more now? What didn’t work out? Has it something to do with my request? Why can’t I remember anything?”
He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at me, yet I didn’t lower my eyes.
“Yes, it’s to do with your request but I can’t tell you more. In fact, I don’t even know the answer myself. How far back can you remember?”
“I know neither how I came to be here, nor since when. Also, I don’t remember how I got injured, even if I now understand what it relates to. However, I can’t remember you doing it.”
“It’s all right, it will heal quickly. Don’t worry. I’m more worried about the second stage, the one which didn’t come about. Whatever happens, just know that the reason I accepted your deal was for your survival. That’s the one and only reason, Lilly.”
His last reflection hardly did anything to reassure me.
Hector was patiently waiting for us to stop talking. Darren felt his presence and turned his head toward him while getting up. Hector put the case at his feet on the floor and left as discreetly as he came.
“I didn’t know you were a doctor!”
“Ha ha! Do I seem like a doctor?”
“Well, a bit, yes. Especially so with this case.”
He looked at me with an air of amusement.
“You won’t find any doctor able to heal these wounds. I’ll apply some antiseptic so try not to touch it. Also, take these two pills with a little water, please.”
He handed me two white capsules without any distinguishing marks, as well as a glass of water.
I swallowed them without hesitation. They were tasteless. In this moment, I was certain that he didn’t want to poison me.
“You should heal quickly,” he said with a reassuring voice, while packing away his potions.
He closed his case, raised his head and said:
“Now, it’s time for you to get some rest. Tomorrow, you’ll be able to walk. We’ll go for a walk in the park.”
“You know, honestly… I really wish it had worked.”
“Me too. Goodnight, Lilly.”
He gently kissed me on the forehead and left the bedroom.
I was alone again in this room. Certainly, I now knew why I was here. The only thing which tormented me was that we may have done it all for nothing… And still, there was this wound!
Since my early childhood, I’d always had a fragile health. I would catch all the diseases which other children would never get, and of course it was always more complicated to treat. I presented a very unusual case for the doctors, however I survived all of this since I was quite used to it. Above all, I would always come out of it stronger and more resistant to the illness.
But by continually enduring and suffering in silence — as one never speaks, or rarely so, about this kind of health condition — you end up finding yourself unable ever to know whether something much worse or unusual is going on. That’s why, for six months I fought against an invisible disease which was slowly making its way around my body. The doctors couldn’t find anything, and the results of any examinations would come back negative. In brief: I had nothing to go on.
Our family doctor concluded that I was suffering from depression. Everything was coming from me and it was all in my head. After all, maybe my mind had finally given up and forsaken me? I didn’t believe this, as it was simply inconceivable for me that my mind could now wreak so much havoc after everything my body had already endured.
I was able to listen to my body but the opposite wasn’t true: my body seemed to have a plan of its own. It didn’t matter that I kept repeating to myself: “It’s nothing, it’s in my head, I’m fine and well”, something was definitely wrong.
On the advice of my doctor – after all, we have to believe them – I went for the first and only time to meet with a psychologist. I’m not really the kind of person who likes to expose her private life to a complete stranger, even less when you can never get a proper response. Once again I had to come to my senses: psychologists weren’t made for me.
I was back at the beginning. I had refused all the drugs which supposedly would have made me feel better. This was one of the best decisions I ever made to this day.
I needed to know what I was doing, what I was thinking, and especially what I was feeling. I kept notes on the disease’s progression, writing down the slightest detail in a notebook, however my doctor stuck to his earlier diagnosis: I was suffering from depression, period. Case closed.
The first clear and visible symptom appeared two years ago, during the summer. I was working in my office when suddenly the room started spinning. Everything was whirling around in such a frenzied waltz that my only relief was to sit down in a corner, crouched against the wall making sure I would not hurt myself by falling. Yet, even with my eyes closed, it kept on swirling. A very painful sensation, believe me!
The diagnosis of the paramedics came: Rotatory Vertigo. They advised me to get a complete check up since those disorders are caused by an abnormality affecting the balance organs such as the brain, the nerves or the ears. Yet again, my doctor sent me back for a brain MRI scan which of course didn’t show any lesion. Then he prescribed rest — the smartest thing he ever did during this whole period!
A few days later, my head exploded. It was too late to do anything to prevent it. The diagnosis was irrevocable, harsh and painfully true: “Stroke”. I found myself bedridden but alive. Well, almost…
A long re-education had to begin. I had to learn everything again from scratch. The left side of my body was lifeless and my expressions limited. The irony was that only my brain was working properly. To put it plainly, I could feel 100% of all this. A spirit living in a half dead body.
There, I admit it, I was indeed resilient!
The following nine months were a tough and relentless battle from which I came out almost victorious: I was able to walk and I could speak without dribbling. Seen from the outside, I was back to my normal self. However, while everybody else thought all was well, deep down I knew that things would never be the same again.
This hell lasted for two years, until I told myself that it could not continue any more. I was ceaselessly tired, and in truth very few people understood it. They more readily took me to be an idler than a person who had probably suffered irreversible damage. As long as we are not completely paralysed, blind or on life support, people either don’t understand or just don’t want to understand.
I was tired of having to justify myself all the time, of having to beg for some hope of a normal life.
I had to find a solution.
Was Lilly right to follow her instinct and feeling ?
Soon you will able to know all about this exciting story in the complete english version.
And the French version (Le Miracle) is for sale :